Sunday, December 14, 2008

the sensitive art of seduction

Physical seduction is the first impression one form gives to the other. It evokes carnal desires (sexual/reproductive) by creating and displaying a visual stimuli: women flash pieces of bare skin like the rounds of the breast to conjure up sexual memory and tight jeans to show off the smile of the apple bottom curves that bounce back when slapped and men display strength, sexual prowess, and monetary capital. Though purely animal and aggressive in its M.O., subtly is needed as to not scare off its prey. This seduction is good for temporary situations and (almost) instant gratification.

Platonic seduction is the secondary impression that transcends the physical and aims to create a possibility for a longer and deeper engagement of time together. Though by no means second in importance, since it is a desire of domestication, this type of seduction requires time and patience. It is charged by the need to display a preview of domestic bliss. Both parties set off to show the other their "home life" skills: cooking, fixing things, entertaining. This is where I take a quote from Buffy for the perfect description: in this type of seduction the individuals are "building a foundation for future bliss".

Both seduction stages are broken down further by compatibility vs. chemistry: chemistry is the basis for physical seduction and compatibility is the basis for the platonic seduction. Chemistry fizzles whereas compatibility doesn't (as long as the individuals continue to grow together). Many times, the physical seduction is the need for a simple exchange of basic sexual desires and therefore doesn't evolve into an exchange of more substance. However, the evolution from platonic seduction to physical attraction is a delicate change that (sometimes) occurs naturally when two people share intimate pieces of their lives and can reap more rewards in the end.

I've been the girlfriend all of my life. bouncing back and forth from physical to platonic seduction, but this summer I realized that I don't want to be the girlfriend anymore. Because a part of growing up is learning about yourself - who you are, who you want to be, and what kind of people you want around you - I've thrown myself into what everyone else has been doing for most of their young lives: dating.

More accurately: not creating situations where the possibility of a relationship is likely to occur. But don't think I'm the queen of bad relationships or something; most have been amazing, all but one. You know what I mean, that one crazy relationship everyone is allowed...the relationship tax write-off. You know what I mean. Don't front. :)

Anyway, allow me to elaborate on the previous statement...I have become completely self-involved.

In fact, I think we can all benefit from a little more "me" priorities.
As I get ready to move to San Francisco and begin grad school, I think about the next 2 years - what I'll be doing, what I'll be working on, what I'll be trying to achieve. These next 2 years are going to be all about me, my education, and the goals I've set and ones I have yet to set.

Of course, my friends and family are important and those relationships will not be neglected, but the boyfriend thing...well, I think that can be placed on the mantle for a while. And if I choose to, I can always bring it down and re-evaluate. Until then, I'll be spending my days in school, sharing the warm company of books, hearing the musical laughter of my friends and smiling every step of the way.


Errant Gosling said...

Did you write all of this or was it said elsewhere? It's quite good. I never thought of my life in terms of platonic seduction, but it sure fits the mold.

Errant Gosling said...

After reading more by doubts have left. You write very well, and this is a hell of a blog you have here. I'm glad I found it, but stunned that there aren't more comments than there are. I'll be reading, and likely commenting, often. Well done.

joeygirl said...

it was an epiphany that came to me last week when i was thinking about the differences in all of my relationships.
i found that the relationships with platonic seductions were the only ones that lasted because we had a deeper understanding of who the other was, in comparison to the relationships that were maintained simply by a physical seduction of how the other worked.

thanks for the compliment.