Friday, December 19, 2008

why is everyone looking for "the one"?

It seems as if everyone wants to be paired up these days; and when I mean everyone, I mean most of the women - many as young as 24 - I'm coming into random contact with.

As these ladies tell me about their pursuit of "him", I wonder why these 24 year old women have such a strong desire to get married at a young age. I suppose it may be because they don't think that 24 is a young age but rather think that it's the "right" age.

<--I just had to place this here :)
I think back to when I was a single 24 yr old, marriage was the furthest thing from my mind (much like today); back then I had just ended a 3 1/2 year relationship with my best friend. That relationship was a wonderful part of my life and being with him helped me understand why people would want to marry - so much so that I thought I wanted to marry him, but, in the end, I realized that that was just not the case and my needs and wants took me elsewhere (as they always do). This being the case, when I was single once again, marriage wasn't even a word in my vocabulary, so it comes as quite a surprise to witness single women as young as 24 looking to get hitched.

AND, it's not only women - I'm meeting more men who are all about marriage. Maybe it's a line, maybe it's not. All I know is that more men are talking about it. Maybe it's because most of the men I know are in their 30's and are ready to settle down. Who knows?

Personally, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about the institution that is "marriage". I do however understand the concept of two people coming together and agreeing that their individual lives should run parallel with one another but maintain a connection to the other; kind of like the double helix of DNA. I call this beautiful idea "separate togetherness".

I guess this post mostly has to do with how I've never understood people who are always looking for their next relationship - marriage being the biggest relationship. I kind of put it on the level of an addict looking for their next high - I mean, let's face it, love/like/lust, whatever you want to call it, feels good. I guess I can't fault anyone for wanting more and chasing after it. I just think that maybe that time would be better spent chasing a high you don't need anyone else to give you.


Errant Gosling said...

Here here.

Cee said...

I'm 26 and a big fan of the 'separate togetherness' concept...but it is kinda weird when all my friends around are getting married & stuff

joeygirl said...

Cee: you should be read "the bridal wave" by erin torneo & valerie krause - it was one of a million books that was given to me when i was a photo editor for a newspaper.

anyway, for whatever reason i kept it and finally ended up reading it (no other book was within reach) and it was actually pretty funny. it talks about all the situations engaged and single people get into, how to survive the season without spending so much money and how to deal with questions of your own impending, wedding. :)

floreta said...

very nice, true last words! why chase a high that someone ELSE gives you? i have always struggled with marriage myself. i think its bcos i have major trust and commitment issues.. which i'm working on.. i used to think (at 20) that i would get married at 25. was just getting into one of those 'lifechanging' relationships i thought was 'the one' for me.. turns out the situation was much like you described of your bestfriend. =/ still fresh and trying to mend. but yes, i'd rather be a spinster than a lonely, unhappy married person. i dont envy any of my married friends either..

thanks for visiting my blog! you're welcome anytime. if you're interested, my older entries talk a great deal about marriage (i was trying to figure it out so as to help my anxiety and come to terms with: what marriage means to me)

i'll be back..

the almost right word said...

Happy New Year, Joey Girl.

I'm with you on this subject matter. It seems that every time I turn my head, I'm noticing another engaged couple. I'm 26 and haven't given marriage a single thought yet. I'm unsure if I ever will.