Thursday, September 18, 2008

by definition: playing hard to get

Ah, the dating's like a maze of rats trying to find the cheese.

This phrase and idea has been a part of our courting diction and ways since before our first kiss - ok maybe not the very first kiss because I was 6 hiding and in a closet with my neighbor - but I mean the first kiss you have when you're a pre-teen and aware of the implications a kiss could bring. So, in light of this revelation *side grinning towards you* I will not break it down with an unnecessary definition.

However, I will say that I despise the concept of playing hard to get.
At it's very core, it's a game of manipulation and half-hearted deceit. It's a crazy psychological game of gently, if not aggressively, making someone think you're something you're not. This is exactly what I told my friend at dinner who was talking about a girl he was seeing - she was playing hard to get and he didn't mind because he didn't know how much he wanted to invest anyway - and he asked my about the boy I was seeing at the time.
This is almost exactly what he said, "Of course you don't play hard to get, but it's only because you are hard to get". I raised my eyebrow because I've joked about this but never really meant it. He went on to say, "When you like someone, you go full speed ahead, 0 to 60; you don't know how to take it slow because you've never had to".
Then I raised my elbows of the table, leaned back in my chair and whispered, "I have absolutely no idea how to take it slow". It was a shock that shouldn't have come at a surprise to me because my relationships all proved it.

1) HS/First serious boyfriend: January declaration of romantic feelings led to exclusivity by March...lasted 2 years.
2) College boyfriend: Nov 11 was the turning point and we were together before leaving on Thanksgiving break...lasted 3 1/2 years.
3) First live-together/After college boyfriend: strangers from different coasts who met in September, went official by October and moved to New York in December...on and off for about 2 years.

As he went on, I was quiet.
"There's no guessing with you, Joey. You know what you want, but most importantly, you know who you want. And when you feel it, you don't deny it. But you're also lucky because they feel it, too". He added, "I'm not like that, most people aren't. I'm more to slow to warm up. Maybe because I'm a guy and there are girls out there who just want exclusivity because they want a guy - any guy - and I'm not down with that".
"I like to take my time to see if I like a girl enough to put energy in taking her off the market; it's like you and the first move..." and that's last thing I remember him saying because I started thinking about what he said.

When I want a guy, but I mean like want, I will wait until he makes the first move. I relish in the anticipation of knowing he wants to come, put his lips on mine and taste me. There's nothing better in the world than the slow moving pace toward that first intimate interaction. If I don't really want him, but think he's cute and that it'll be fun, I'll make the first move and jump in for a kiss because that's all it is and will be, fun.
In the end, I suppose we share a parallel view on dating, he waits to see if he really like someone to do anything serious with it, and I like being on the receiving end of serious intentions from someone I really like.

music: crystal castles, "courtship dating" - (zshare)

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