only once was i awake after he had fallen
and was given the opportunity to hear
what he was trying to say.
many times we laid together,
my head to his heart
and i could listen to the proclamations.
but those messages were hidden by heavy beats of nervous apprehension and fear.
apprehension of what we both knew was coming
and fear of not having the ability to cross the finish line when the time came.
this summer, everything became new again.
this summer, i fell.
all i know is that nothing is the same.
i am not the same.
like an military man i will learn to go without what i lost during the passion we call war.
i have come full circle in what i've discovered the lesson that was set for me to learn.
and i'm done.