To give or to receive...that is the question.

For most of my courting age, I've driven in the slow lane of the dating road.

A self-proclaimed serial monogamist in heat, I saved all of my sexual arousal for relationships and never dated anyone because I didn't want them thinking they'd get anywhere because I knew they wouldn't.
That was before.
Now is a different story.

So now that I'm "dating" (I use the term oh-so loosely) I'm discovering (but not from experience because I've haven't gone completely off the cliff) that there are men who don't like eating pussy. Excuse my vulgarity but I didn't know a polite way of saying it without losing the emphasis I needed.

Boys: Don't you know that if you eat pussy, and eat it well, you can get almost anything?
It's like when a girl gives you the best head you've ever had, you're puddy in her hands. hehe.

Every man I've ever slept with has been all about eating pussy; all day, every day, twice a day. Even the one who was out of practice dove right in there (after I asked why he wasn't attempting it) and tried his best.
Luckily for them, I enjoy giving as well as receiving so the scales weren't unbalanced. :)
So, of course I'm saddened to learn that there are men out there who could just live without it.
The worst part? These are the men who still want blow job after blow job.
Um...no.

I can't speak for all women, but I am speaking for those who feel me, if you want me to blow you, then you need to eat me.

And I mean eat me until I come.

Put forth the motherfucking effort that my orgasm deserves.
Why? Because my orgasm should be as important to you as your orgasm is to me. I am committed to creating such a vibration of sexual energy in your body that you explode and crouch over in pleasure.
"Oh fuck! Oh fuck, Joey! Fuck! Joey! Fuck!" <--I let that memory play in my head over and over again when I want to remember what a good girlfriend I've been.

So, in closure, if you don't eat pussy, or don't do it well (just because you're down there doesn't mean you're doing a good job), please veer away from me.
I will only hurt your ego...unintenionally, of course.
I am past the patience part of my sexual life to wait around for someone to learn as I train them.

So to all the men out there I say: Please, practice. practice. practice.
Not for you, for us.

a crush? not so much

I am utterly confused as to how I'm feeling and why I'm feeling it.

Some mornings I wake up with you on my mind.
You're the first name I want to say.
I love the taste your name leaves in my mouth, lingering on my tongue allowing me to taste your sweetness behind the bitter first.
I feel those things called "butterflies" floating around when you throw me a smile.
Your puffy lips I want placed all over me. The feel of your soft and moist against my hot and bothered.
A schoolgirl crush with the desires of a woman who has needs that only you can meet.

And all this, I've discovered, is how I feel when I want to see a boy naked.
And more so when I want him to see me, naked. pink. flushed.
A crush? No.
To crush? Yes.

Listening to: Lykke Li - Little Bit

relationships as a traumatic experience

People - even strangers - who share a traumatic experience are forever tied.

The individuals either bond for life because no one else understands their trauma or must keep separate in order to not re-live the emotional distress which occurred during said experience. And to add insult to injury, many develop symptoms of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder.

So, if this sort of intense linking or separating can occur between strangers who spent mere moments together, then isn't it likely that people who share the intimacy of a long and heavy-hearted relationship be subject to the same theory?

Add to that the widely believed idea that when 2 people have sex, they share and exchange energy. Multiply that by x amount of time together and the energy becomes and stays connected. Now this may not be true for every relationship, for each is like a snowflake, individual and unique, but it can be used as a blanket statement for tender, caring, and reciprocal loves. For this reason, it is said that breaking up and moving on from this type of relationship may be more difficult than in other circumstances. Some choose not to have sex with anyone for a long period of time while others may seek out sex as an emotional band-aid for the one they lost.

So, what happens when sex and trauma go hand-in-hand?
Does the healing period for this type of traumatic experience extend longer for these two as they heal their broken connection from one another and mend themselves whole again?

I hadn't thought about this in a really long time and wasn't thinking about it today, but I was flipping through channels for background noise while I read my new book - The Song Is You - and ShopGirl was on. It was the last 10 minutes or so. In the end, they share pleasantries the way most people do when the relationship ends on a sour or sad note; just courteous and cordial. Then the closing monologue wrapped it up so perfectly.

"Some nights alone, he thinks of her.
And some nights alone, she thinks of him.
Some nights these thoughts occur at the same moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it."


And that was me being random.
I'm done.